Water Works

Spring Water

There’s an awful lot of bottled water out there. There’s water from springs, water from clouds, distilled, artisan, purified, energized, sparkling… I remind myself of Forrest Gump’s army buddy, Bubba, who had an endless list of all the ways to cook shrimp. The mind reels.

Most gurus claim that natural spring water is the best and I guess it’s hardly debatable since that’s the stuff coming straight from the source and all the rest seem like red-headed stepchildren in contrast. But there’s a kind of craziness to it too. Spurred by the desire for fresh water, Find A Spring is a wildly popular site that allows people to find a spring at a ‘location near you’ where one can go and get the stuff straight from the earth, bypassing plastic bottles in favor of healthier, sustainable glass vessels. It’s all BYOB and Do It Yourself.

I, unfortunately, am not so lucky when it comes to finding a nearby pure water source; sadly living in New Mexico- the Land of Enchantment- only entitles me to three springs, all of which require considerable travel from where I sit now. Bottling my own living spring water would cost me a pretty penny and a serious time commitment, never mind the carbon footprint. What’s a girl to do? Maybe move to Idaho?

Enter: the grocery store.

The thing that gets me about all this water is that they’re all trying to make themselves sound as pure and spring-like as possible and then you find out that the water’s been filtered and bottled in a plant in Newark, New Jersey where there’s not a natural spring – or anything even verging on clean water – in sight. Buyer Beware. Companies like Dasani and Aquafina are literally bottling purified tap water; 40% of bottled water companies can make the same claim. But they’re certainly not putting it out there in bold letters. Honestly, you might as well go with a Britta water filter, use your own tap and save the environment too.

Actually, I’ve heard that some of the best tasting water is straight out of the tap in New York City. People pine for it when they leave. Who knows? Maybe it’s laced with excitogens. I must admit: the way things are going on these days, it’s a distinct possibility.

There’s a place in Maine called Summit Springs. Their claim to fame is Raw Living Spring Water without filtration or treatment. Sometimes there are even particles in the water to substantiate this claim. I’ve read some articles written by people who are as down on this as they are on raw milk. You’ve got to be kidding. It’s just water with rocks in it; what’s the big deal? Well. the price of course. 2 bottles for $33.

A few years ago one of the students at my partner, Alisa’s and my raw food classes, brought her husband with her. He sold a special kind of water that was supposed to improve flexibility and strength almost immediately after drinking it.  His presentation was like a vaudeville act. He would make everyone try and accomplish these physical feats like touching their own toes, then have them drink a glass of the ‘magic’ water and do it again. There was a dramatic improvement in everyone’s abilities, bar none. The room exploded with applause and enthusiasm.  Placebo effect, maybe?

We all bought a case. Me too. I figured I could use it for yoga. I could twist myself into pretzels with that stuff.  Bet its fantastic for your sex life.

Wish I had some now.

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